Scribbled notes

“Some periods of growth are so confusing that we don’t even recognize that growth is happening. 
We may feel hostile, angry or weepy and hysterical, or we may feel depressed. 
It would never occur to us, unless we stumbled on a book or person who explained to us, that we are in fact in the process of change, of actually growing more than we ever have before.” 
– A. W.

As comforting as it is, the unaware change is for sure a process.
Half a year has now passed without my scheduled yoga sessions and I was so sure when I embarked on the “sabbatical” that I was going to have a certain feeling, rather sooner than later, about the decision and the way I felt about it.
That has not happened and it confuses me.
So today when I went through some of my scribbled notes to cheer a distant friend up, I found the above quote by Alice Walker and realized my mistake; I am waiting for a result, an answer. I am expecting something, from outside?

My decision to quit last year was not a decision in response to, or answer to, something outside. It was based on an inner feeling. An epiphany during a sleepless Sunday night.
An unbelievably strong feeling that almost manifested itself physically, leaving me with no doubt whatsoever. I knew what I had to do. Even if it was a “painful” decision to execute. There was no confusion.
Surely I have not forgotten how wonderfully things work out, if I just let go of my expectations, certain anticipated answers and/or results.
This is a journey, it is not about a destination, right?

So this post will serve as an answer to the few of you who have asked if I am coming back now, in the new year? Or if I have a plan when I intend to? The answer reads; I don’t know.
I am still helping fellow colleagues in the area if backup is needed, though, as well as assisting with a few private introductions for beginners and when my interpretations are needed in workshops.
Along with my personal practice this is good for now. Just enough to keep me at peace and even if I miss the interaction with all of you I hope you are at peace too!

Have a magical journey until we meet again, with love and light
m.